Hello fellow earthiness
The wonderful people who read my blog in their important time zones; this particular entry is not happy of fun in ways you wud want it to be coming after a month or so...
PS sorry for the delay though.
Remember those little suicidal urges u get all of a sudden during anytime of the day and even when you have remarkably wonderful people around you to help you and make you laugh, they never really go away. Well my whole month had these sudden urges and as much lucky I am to have these wonderful people I can count on with me I often wonder even in broad daylight is it important or necessary for me to carry on would my absence make a difference, of course then my thoughts shift to my parents and my family and of course over my ever reliant friends and of course the books and their fandom to join but a question still bugs me- why me? Why do I have to take care and be responsible for so many things? Why can't I just be shot and left to die in pain which will make my end minutes hell but then of course discussing these thoughts would turn me into an attention seeker- isnt this the only reason why we plaster that fake smile on our faces, so that we are not judged. i mean its not always about being happy in front of the people who you never wanna see sad. its also sometimes not listening to the nagging of people who would die if stepped in your shoes.
although being an insomniac person, these days i tend to fall asleep early wake up at 3AM with tears running down my face with my heart beating like loud drum noises get urges to scream and die practically begging anyone who'd hear my will to shoot me i still carry on read course books give exams and also indulge my self into books of paradise
OFF TOPIC: had nutella bread of my a friend who told me she didnt like nutella and then me shot off giving her a ten minute lecture on how nutella is the divine food irresistible even by the gods
and well i feel, i like being a person but i dont wanna be anymore my sudden thoughts have not risen from anywhere they just hauntingly came in broad daylight urging me to lie wrapped up in a blanket in the middle of September with eyes wide open wanting tears running down.
if this had happened to any other person any where on a planet i'd have given them a bunch of prescribed remedies to try on but me i dont really think it works, coffee helps but what do u do when you finish it all - what can one do when after drinking a pot full of coffee and get urges to instantly sleep, what do u when seeing u read a"story book" your father makes a guilty face like he failed to raise you. what do u do when even sulking in an Alaskan cave living there for a day would make me numb- unable to feel any pain doesnt feel like feel like a good option to dying, what can one do when your fav song turns into a bugging noise u just wanna turn down, what can one do when your fav food turns into a rotten dish. well you do nothing- you sit around and remember all the helpful things u read online- how your death will effect your parents, family and friends and teachers, you try living for them and though i mean its called a change- being teenagery and shit i still wanna die
WOW!! well you read it now also read Lauren Kate's Fallen Series- haha people the undercover advertiser is back hehehe
'tis the season to be jolly fala la la fla la la... CHRISTMAS is what like 3 months away ALSO HALLOWEEN is next month- I AM SOOOOO EXCITED!!
but my constant hoarse voice singing carols is gna turn my neighbors deaf and then i'll play it on 100% in the centre of the city to turn every one DEAF!! #evilGenius AYE??
The wonderful people who read my blog in their important time zones; this particular entry is not happy of fun in ways you wud want it to be coming after a month or so...
PS sorry for the delay though.
Remember those little suicidal urges u get all of a sudden during anytime of the day and even when you have remarkably wonderful people around you to help you and make you laugh, they never really go away. Well my whole month had these sudden urges and as much lucky I am to have these wonderful people I can count on with me I often wonder even in broad daylight is it important or necessary for me to carry on would my absence make a difference, of course then my thoughts shift to my parents and my family and of course over my ever reliant friends and of course the books and their fandom to join but a question still bugs me- why me? Why do I have to take care and be responsible for so many things? Why can't I just be shot and left to die in pain which will make my end minutes hell but then of course discussing these thoughts would turn me into an attention seeker- isnt this the only reason why we plaster that fake smile on our faces, so that we are not judged. i mean its not always about being happy in front of the people who you never wanna see sad. its also sometimes not listening to the nagging of people who would die if stepped in your shoes.
although being an insomniac person, these days i tend to fall asleep early wake up at 3AM with tears running down my face with my heart beating like loud drum noises get urges to scream and die practically begging anyone who'd hear my will to shoot me i still carry on read course books give exams and also indulge my self into books of paradise
OFF TOPIC: had nutella bread of my a friend who told me she didnt like nutella and then me shot off giving her a ten minute lecture on how nutella is the divine food irresistible even by the gods
and well i feel, i like being a person but i dont wanna be anymore my sudden thoughts have not risen from anywhere they just hauntingly came in broad daylight urging me to lie wrapped up in a blanket in the middle of September with eyes wide open wanting tears running down.
if this had happened to any other person any where on a planet i'd have given them a bunch of prescribed remedies to try on but me i dont really think it works, coffee helps but what do u do when you finish it all - what can one do when after drinking a pot full of coffee and get urges to instantly sleep, what do u when seeing u read a"story book" your father makes a guilty face like he failed to raise you. what do u do when even sulking in an Alaskan cave living there for a day would make me numb- unable to feel any pain doesnt feel like feel like a good option to dying, what can one do when your fav song turns into a bugging noise u just wanna turn down, what can one do when your fav food turns into a rotten dish. well you do nothing- you sit around and remember all the helpful things u read online- how your death will effect your parents, family and friends and teachers, you try living for them and though i mean its called a change- being teenagery and shit i still wanna die
WOW!! well you read it now also read Lauren Kate's Fallen Series- haha people the undercover advertiser is back hehehe
'tis the season to be jolly fala la la fla la la... CHRISTMAS is what like 3 months away ALSO HALLOWEEN is next month- I AM SOOOOO EXCITED!!
but my constant hoarse voice singing carols is gna turn my neighbors deaf and then i'll play it on 100% in the centre of the city to turn every one DEAF!! #evilGenius AYE??
